First orchestra rehearsal and reflections afterwards with Stanislaw, two days before the concert:
I thought the rehearsal was ok. I felt I was playing from my body, being musical and doing quite well. But obviously not according to Stanislaw. I did not engage enough or use enough energy. I did not play solistically, my arms were too active and there was not enough variation in the vibrato. I can see that he was right. I was absolutely holding back and being a bit careful. We worked together for more than an hour back stage after the rehearsal.
I really worked hard awakening the energy in me and getting it out! Find the big emotions and affects and use them. I am afraid of focusing too much ”arm” and raw muscle force. Try to find the force inside. As long as I have this energy, and contact, I am allowed to use both more bow and more force! As a combination. I do not have to be afraid, just active. Give everything. During this rehearsal, I just kept playing as much and as loud as possible. I did
get through better, but not enough – the orchestra is far too loud. I am all sweat and out of breath after we finish. I was sure Stanislaw would be critical, but today it was ten times better, good use of body and more soloist tone.
In our back-stage session afterwards, Stanislaw talked about my vibrato. I haven’t paid attention, and had a feeling it was fine, but when I work harder I also start vibrating a lot tenser and rabbit-like. And then also the arm and shoulder are tired which again creates an even worse vibrato. We worked on the feel of the bow, and letting the vibrato evolve with the musical line and affects I want to use. It got much better, just focusing on it. In quick lines running upwards I have a tendency to get stressed and lose contact, keep calm. We also worked on the quartertone bass line melody from bar 155 – keeping a constant tension. Be free, but with enough sound.
The orchestra volume was much better and I could have a bit more fun instead of just constantly hard work on creating sound. I missed a few runs, but I was mostly concentrated on feeling and I knew this wouldn’t happen in the concert. Stanislaw did not comment much, just reminded me of the most important principles, and most importantly, find your energy.